How to (Mentally) Prepare for a Covid Winter.
Increase your Personal resource. aka: your stress resilience.
“How the hell am I going to make it through the winter?”
This has been consuming our minds and conversations. More than 220,000 people have died in the US due to a disease we know very little about, wildfires and hurricanes are raging through the country, social injustice continues, protests and riots have become the new norm, people are without homes, it’s an election year, flu season is upon us, and you still can’t hug your friends and family in good conscience.
The one thing we had — outdoor time — seems like it’s about to be ripped from our hands.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was squid falling from the sky, instead of snow, like in the series Watchmen.
So, let’s admit something: None of us are doing that well. And that’s okay, because this is all new to us.
Before Covid struck, Americans reported being lonely, anxious, stressed and depressed. Now, our surge capacity is depleted and we’re still grieving an ambiguous loss.
Luckily, science has helped solidify a number of free tools that can help build your stress resilience so you can stay sane through the winter ahead. Here’s what you need to know:
1. Your mental state is not fixed.
Humans are one of the most adaptable, resilient species on the planet. In the past nine months, you’ve learned to navigate a global pandemic. You’ve blown through your stress reserves and may have succumb to maladaptive coping strategies —like drinking too much and too often. You’re surviving, but you’re probably not thriving.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, scared, anxious, depressed, there’s nothing wrong with you. These are all normal responses. If you’ve taken up bad habits in the past few months as a way to cope, that’s okay. (It really is okay.) No matter your age or experiences, you have the ability to change how you respond to stress.
You have the ability to start new healthy habits or rekindle old ones. You have the ability to stop bad habits. It’s imperative to recognize you have an innate ability to change. You’re not lacking willpower. You’re not destined to be the way you always were. You can increase your personal resource and resilience.
2. Pain doesn’t mean you have to suffer.
Pain in life is inevitable, suffering is optional. It may sound strange, but being able to acknowledge pain without attaching a narrative to it, is not only vital to your wellbeing — it's what helps to make you resilient.
So, while you may believe this will be a very painful winter, you don’t have to suffer before, during, and after it. By learning how to be in the moment you’ll save yourself a lot of unnecessary suffering.
3. Trust that others are making the best choices for them.
Pandemic-related choices of how, and where, and when, and with whom, you spend your time (or money) is balancing pros and cons. There’s no single option that’s best for everyone. If you decide that the best choice for you and your family is to lock yourself away for the next few months and have no physical contact with others, you may be dramatically reducing your chances of being exposed to Covid-19, but it could come at the cost of your mental health, or relationships that matter a lot to you.
On the other hand, if you decide you need to hang out with people inside, every day, without a mask on, you undoubtably increase your risk of being exposed to Covid-19 and you may lessen your chances of going into a deep depression.
Remember, in general, people being thoughtful about their decisions. Everyone is doing the best they can. They might make different decisions than you — and that’s okay. You can only know what’s right for you. So, make an effort to notice when you’re starting to judge others’ decisions — especially if they don’t directly affect you — and try to let it go. There are plenty of other things to stress about.
4. Mind-wandering = unhappiness.
Living in the present is vital to our happiness. Sure, there are times when it can be helpful to plan for the future, or learn from past experiences, but research shows the more you can be grounded in your current experience, the happier you are.
Suffering can take hold when you worry, ruminate about the future, or replay painful memories. When you mind-wander, you not only miss out on the present experience, but also may endure the pain of past or potential future experiences— real or perceived — again and again. You also suffer when you attach unhelpful narratives about your self-worth to those experiences.
When you’re on a walk, are you actually present on that walk? Do you notice the details of what you pass — what the wind feels like on your skin, the crunch as you walk through the leaves? If so, you’re living in the moment, and you’ll get a lot more benefit from that time.
If however, you’re stressing about an email you sent or something that happened at work, you miss out on some of the stress resilience benefits and subject yourself to the pain of that stress again, and again. If you attach the narrative that you’re hopeless, because you can never be present on a walk, you suffer even more. Learning how to spend more time in the present moment will help reduce your suffering AND make you happier.
Having a daily meditation practice helps train your brain to live more in the present. Try starting with one of these Loving Kindness or a Mindfulness Meditations.
5. It takes very little to be happy.
People often mis-want. You can think that having lots of money, a better job, tons of awesome stuff, the perfect body, the ideal house, and a partner who fulfills all your needs, and maybe a Covid-free winter to make you happy.
Yes, those things may make you happy in the short-term, but research shows long-lasting happiness comes from practicing gratitude and mindfulness, having experiences and social connection, and a sense of purpose tied to a greater cause.
If you can find a way to incorporate those things into our daily routines, you will not only be happier, but healthier. You’ll also be more creative, productive and strategic.
While you know that things will be better to a certain extent when Covid is over or more manageable, it can also be an unhelpful mindset. Often when a stressor is removed or resolved, it’s replaced with something else — a good way to spot conditional happiness are qualifiers like, “I’d be happy as long as … when … only if … blank happens”
Happiness is fostered from within.
6. Gratitude makes you happier.
Taking the time to acknowledge all the things that are going well in your world helps you counter negativity bias and better appreciate what you may be taking for granted. It makes you happier and healthier — even when you feel like you have little to be grateful for.
Try writing down eight things you’re grateful for at the start of every day, or have your family share three things they’re grateful for at dinner. Learn more here.
One of the silver linings of the pandemic is slowing down and taking a moment for introspection, which offers a lot of benefits.
7. Sleep is more powerful than your realize.
Your body isn’t just idling while you sleep. It’s processing difficult emotions, moving memories from short- to long-term, helping connect the logical and emotional parts of your brain, working through problems, keeping your immune system functioning at high capacity, and repairing cells and bodily functions that have been damaged.
Allowing yourself to get more sleep by creating a consistent sleep routine will help you sleep better and do wonders for your outlook on life. Strive for eight to nine hours of sleep every night and try to follow these tips.
8. Movement makes life better.
Study after study shows that physical movement makes an incredible impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. Even with the cold weather, it’s imperative that you get out of your home. Go for a walk around the block at least once a day. Do one pushup. Do 10 jumping jacks. Try a 15-minute seated yoga practice. Try a five-minute moving meditation practice. Research shows that every minute counts. So, find some sort of movement that doesn’t feel like work — and make a point to do it every day.
9. Social connections = literal life-lines.
Relationships matter. They boost our wellbeing and our longevity. Practice getting off your phone, scheduling specific times to spend with your friends and family members, and work to be fully present with them.
Before the pandemic, loneliness was an epidemic in the US. What’s worse is that, given the integration of technology into your life, you can often feel most alone when you’re in the company of others — we’re connected and alone.
If you live alone (or feel like you do) find others who are willing to put the effort into virtual or in-person events. You might try taking a virtual walk with your family through London, signing up for a Trivia team (even if you’re terrible at trivia), going for a walk or doing an online workout together.
Try downloading the Marco Polo app so you can send recorded messages. It takes the energy out of texting, allows you to have playful banter within a group of friends, and you get to see other peoples faces, which means its a lot more fun and interactive and you don’t have to overanalyze texts.
Every interaction matters, especially the little ones, and research shows that we’re not getting enough of them. Not getting enough social interaction is equivalent to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. So, go to a coffee shop, ask about the barista’s day. Send a quick text to a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Call someone to say hello. Go for a walk and chat with your neighbors.
We’re all dealing with a tremendous amount of stress, it’s also important to take a little extra time with people — and give everyone a little more grace.
10. Take a break from social media.
Research shows the longer you spend on social media the less happy you tend to be. Allow yourself a digital detox, and work to have more in-person communication instead. Yes, it’s important to stay connected, but research shows that spending time on social media actually makes us less happy. Why? It’s not really based in reality.
No matter who we are, our lives are all a mixture of pain and pleasure, joy and sorrow. Social media is a carefully edited story of how people want you to see their lives —how happy they are, how perfect their lives seem to be. Rarely do people post about the genuine sadness or pain that is also happening.
When you start to compare the intricate details of your own life to something that is a Hallmark version of reality, your negativity bias sets in and you’re more likely to believe that your trip to the apple orchard wasn’t nearly as much fun as what your friend or co-workers trip was like — even if it’s not true.
Constant comparing steals joy and damages your mental health.
11. Fun is serious business.
When days start to feel monotonous, it’s a good indicator that you need to shake things up. Make a point to do something fun every day. This increases the number of positive emotions you have, which increases your life satisfaction and helps to build resilience.
Reconnect with your silly, creative, just-do-it-for-fun side. Find the funniest gif and send it to all your friends. Host a digital cookie decorating contest with your extended family members or friends and make them give a speech on why each cookie should win. Then vote. Play some video games. Eat in the living room. Throw darts to decide what you’re making for dinner. Get coffee from a different coffee shop every day this week. Chat with your friends about your ridiculous movie idea.
Life is serious enough already, allow yourself to have more fun.
12. The secret sauce: kindness.
Do something kind for someone else. Research shows that being nice makes us feel better. Do a five-minute favor at work, drop off flowers or cookies to a friend, offer to give your partner a five-minute massage. Buy your pup a puppuccino. Send a postcard, send an email. Maybe write a letter to someone you’re grateful for who has never been properly thanked. Pick up trash you see in the street. Drop off food at a food shelf. Smile at a stranger. Go out of your way to be kind. You’ll feel good, and so will they.
13. Learn how to savor.
Savoring is the art of being in the moment. Professor Laurie Santos from Yale University, shares in her Science of Wellbeing Course that you can enhance an experience by:
• sharing the experience with someone else
• talking about how much fun you’re having
• thinking about how lucky you are to have this moment right now
• thinking about getting to share your excitement with someone you care about later.
You hurt savoring or being in the moment when you:
• remind yourself it will be over soon
• tell yourself it wasn’t as good as you had hoped
• remind yourself that nothing lasts forever
• think how it will never be this good again
• think about ways it could be better
• tell yourself you don’t deserve this good thing
14. Add more variety to your life.
Eating the same meals, wearing the same clothes, doing the same routine everyday can make once pleasurable experiences fade over time. It’s often referred to as hedonic adaptation or the hedonic treadmill. Meaning the pleasure we get from something starts to fade over time.
Make a point to try new things. Have new experiences. Even if that means switching up your daily walk by exploring a different street, changing your style of coffee in the morning, watching or reading a genre of book you never thought you’d be interested in, or getting all dressed up for take-out.
15. Eat mood-boosting foods.
Over 90% of serotonin receptors are located in the gut. This means that your gut biome — or more specifically what you eat affects your mood, memory, and ability to retain information. Processed foods have been shown to disrupt gut health, which may increase anxiety and depression. That goes for uber-processed stuff like soda, packaged snack foods, breads, chicken nuggets, instant noodle soups and even lightly processed food like canned foods, dried fruits covered in sugar or juice, and meat products.
It can be tempting to overindulge or under-indulge when we’re stressed. Work to eat a healthy, balanced diet like the Mediterranean diet, which is full of low processed foods like veggies, grains, beans, nuts, and fruit.
I especially like the recipes from the Healthyish section of Bon Appetite, New York Times Healthy Recipes, and the Minimalist Baker.
16. Learn how to reframe.
The same activity or event can feel like heaven or hell. It all depends on how you frame it.
You have to eat. Do you see it as chore that has to get done, a place where you can have some creative expression, a way you can support local businesses, or a chance to do something nice for someone else? Depending on your frame of reference you may feel very different about the experience — and it doesn’t mean you’re being pollyannaish. Positive psychology research shows us that learning how to reframe events can make a tremendous difference in our experience of that event.
17. Have things to look forward to.
Make a list of ways to make winter enjoyable (our next post will help you with ideas!) Then, instead of binge-watching three seasons of the Sopranos, space them out. Research shows when you take a break from things you enjoy and come back to them, you get even more enjoyment out of the activity. This also helps you keep variety in what you do, and helps you build anticipation for the dinner out, the tasty glass of vino, or the giant crinkle cookies you plan to perfect.
18. Change your environment.
Research shows that beautiful, clutter-free spaces helps your mind feel at rest. Letting go of the things you no longer need helps you to make more space for who you are today — and the activities that bring you joy.
Learn how to declutter you home quickly and then take steps to change your physical environment to help nudge you into being more active, eating healthier, or maintaining your daily meditation practice.
Research also shows that being outside makes a huge impact on our stress response. Make a point to get outside as much as you can — even if that means it’s in 10 or 15 minute bursts — you'll notice a profound impact on your mental health.
19. You’re more resilient than you think.
Using insights from this article, you can start to build your stress resiliency and find more adaptive coping strategies for the winter ahead. Unfortunately, merely knowing something is not enough to actually change your behavior. If you really want to change your behavior, you have to learn how to change your habits. You can't re-wire decades of thought patterns overnight.
That’s why so many people work with a wellness coach, or therapist. Coaches help you see where you get caught, and can give you strategies to take better care of your mental and physical health —helping you can thrive, instead of just survive.
Not ready to hire a wellness coach, yet? Check out this crash course in stress resilience or sign up for a Resilience Retreat this fall.
Stay tuned for our next article, where we’ll share how you can physically prepare for a Covid Winter.