4 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
A New Resolution: Kindness
Kindness counts. That’s what you’re taught in kindergarten.
As we age, we seem to become more cynical about the benefits of kindness. We act as if being kind is a sort of weakness that will prevent us from getting what we want. Or that by showing kindness or empathy toward others — especially in a business setting — we’ll appear stupid, silly, or easily duped. Research shows otherwise.
Kindness is fundamental to living better — in all aspects of life.
When you’re kind to yourself when you make a mistake, you actually bounce back or learn faster.
When you show kindness and compassion to others, you’re more likely to be treated the same. Especially, in a business setting.
When you’re kind, it makes you feel good, which means you’re happier, and you’re less likely to stress eat, indulge in retail therapy, or lash-out at your family and friends.
So this year, instead of berating yourself for gaining the Covid-15 (har, har) as you attempted to manage a pandemic, or make resolutions to read more books, exercise more, get up earlier, or drink less. Join me in being kinder. To yourself and to others!
4 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
Many folks’ inner chatter can be so filled with critical or negative thoughts about how what they’re doing is wrong, bad, shameful, or lazy that it’s amazing they can even get through the day.
When you’re stressed, you can stack on the bullying even more — first on yourselves and then to all those around you. Research shows that the kinder you can be to yourself when you’re stressed, the quicker you’ll find yourself feeling better. (Which means you’ll have more energy to show up with compassion for others, too.)
1. Notice when you’re being mean to yourself. Then stop.
Often the voices in our heads are 1,000x meaner than how we would speak to our best friend — and often we don’t even realize we’re doing it. Start to notice when you speak to yourself using negative superlatives like, “I always”, “I never”. Then stop mid-sentence. Take a moment to think of a time that you did the opposite. Often our perception of what we do and don’t do is actually quite skewed.
2. Make a list of the things that you’re good at.
When you find yourself being especially critical, try making a list of five things that you’re good at or that you’ve done that were kind for someone else. This can re-set your perception of your own worth and help give you the energy to approach old mental tapes with a new, clearer perception. Remember, we all have talents and it’s all relative. If you’re good at making Spotify playlists, you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone else. You can just be good at making playlists. If you wanted to yell at a co-worker and didn’t — that too was a sort of kindness.
3. Do something nice for yourself, every day.
This doesn’t have to be something major. Small things count too. The point is to take the time and mental space to allow yourself a little bit of fun or pleasure every day. Not only does this boost your mood, but it will give you more energy for the things that you find difficult. Maybe you treat yourself to a fun coffee, let yourself watch an episode of a favorite show or read without feeling guilty that you didn’t finish the dishes, or maybe you go for a 3-mile run. The goal is to feel energized by whatever kind thing you did for yourself.
4. Start a Loving-Kindness Meditation.
Meditation is good for your mental and physical body. Loving Kindness meditations are particularly good at helping us be more kind and compassionate to ourselves and others. A great way to start being more kind to yourself --especially as we start a new year -- is to forgive yourself (and others!) for anything that happened this past year and move into 2021 with a clean slate. Here's a free Loving-Kindness meditation on self-forgiveness.
DID YOU KNOW?
Nearly 10% of American’s have a daily meditation practice. Given the benefits of meditation, those numbers are expected to continue to grow — especially in the workplace. One of the best parts about meditation is recognizing that we all have the capacity to change the way our brains work, and anyone at any age can learn how to meditate.
BIG NEWS!
Check-in with your own resilience habits (including kindness) by taking our FREE RESILIENCE QUIZ. You’ll get a gut-check on what you’re doing well and tips on how to improve.
